The Sometimes Sad Truth About Helping People

Disclaimer: I just changed the title of this post from “Not Everyone is Worthy of Your Help”. I just realized that it misrepresents what this post is all about.

I often talk about looking for opportunities to help people, but I always forget to include an important disclaimer: not everyone is worth helping.

You should aim to be able to help everyone, but you should know that not everyone is worth your time and effort. You will find that those who are worth helping usually behave graciously and acknowledge your help.

Don’t get me wrong, but there are also those smart social engineers who are really good at faking gratitude. But real gratitude goes beyond words. Building a relationship with someone goes beyond the transactional.

A transactional relationship goes like this: A friend comes to you for help, you give help and they give something to you in return. And once the transaction is over, the relationship seems to come to a halt, or a long silence. You only “catch up” or “reconnect” when another transaction is coming.

If you build a relationship based on transactions, without the element of spontaneity and genuine care even in the professional realm with clients, the relationship is not sustainable enough to cultivate itself. If people treat you well only because they see a potential opportunity in you and don’t really care about you as a person, they’re most likely not worth your time.

Eight years ago I built a full course for someone who wanted to learn some web design basics. A couple of days passed and I didn’t even get a thank you, yet he still messaged me to offer insurance services. It’s a no-brainer example.

But you also come across people who say “thank you” without substance. Like your boss at work, they’d probably just take what you did and move on without acknowledging the effort you put into what you do. No discussion on the output, no sincere feedback. This is common.

A gracious person sees the value you do, takes time to acknowledge the energy of creation you put into your work and gives you a clear message of appreciation, verbal or not.

So Why Choose Who To Help?

Because when you help, you need to do it with all your heart. You have to pour every effort and energy into helping someone reach their dreams. Unfortunately, this positive energy can be wasted on people not appreciating the value you give out.

Being smart about where to channel your energy allows you to help more people and change more lives. Not everyone deserves a hand, sometimes they are meant to figure it out by themselves. Usually those who are in this position are less appreciative because they find great fulfillment in achieving it on their own.

Being “choosy” about who to help doesn’t mean that you aren’t willing to help everyone. The truth is, we can only distribute our time and energy to a limited number of people.

When you help people, you aim to build relationships. If you tried to build a relationship with someone but they’re not keen on building that deep foundation with you, then it’s best to channel that energy to someone else.