Material Freedom
At 25 I had to live the pressure of being an adult. As a young mother and breadwinner, I struggled to keep us afloat as we tried to start our young family in Cebu. To stay and grow old in Cebu has always been my goal, but reality struck so hard back then that I had to consider leaving.
We arrived at my then-partner’s province in Palawan 6 years ago with our two-year-old son with the promise of a much simpler life. A quite remote charming place called Liminancong, with an accessible port to Manila and a slow-paced rhythm just humming in the day-to-day.
We built dreams around the place, purchased items to make a home and settled for what was accessible. When I arrived there electricity was good for only 12 hours a day so we bought a solar kit to get a fan running on a hot day or charge the phone to keep us entertained in the mornings.
A year later the electricity situation improved, with a new power plant and cheaper electricity costs. We bought a TV and had satellite cable installed. We bought more toys for our son to enjoy, bought these little things that we thought would make our house feel more like home and collected memories in several little trinkets.
2 years later me and my partner decided to break up.
I remember sitting on the bed the day before I was about to leave, staring at my luggage and trying to decide what to leave and what to take with me.
It was a simple yet powerful moment for me. I had to limit all my belongings into a single suitcase. And it wasn’t easy because as I sat there it dawned on me the magnitude of what I really had to let go of by leaving the relationship.
I remember the white fence we planned to build in the front yard. The dreams we had and worked hard for. I remember the emotions attached to every single thing we owned, the happiness we thought we’d get before we bought them. I re-played in my mind how we smiled excitedly after getting the cable TV installed, the hours we spent deciding on whether or not a solar panel was a good investment and the first night we arrived there looking at the stars on the window feeling the relief that we’re finally home and that our life is about to start.
2 years later I can only take with me what I can fit into a suitcase. I told myself that if I really want to have a new life, then I should let go of my possessions and start all over.
I’m glad I did.
I learned that things don’t hold our happiness.
I compare mementos to “to-do” lists. They’re like reminders of memories that you can only access if you happen to stumble upon them. Memories are in us, not in material reminders.
I can’t say that I have fully escaped the illusion. When Thea and I started we bought things we realized we never really needed. Over time we have thrown out and given away so many things that made up 80% of our clutter. Every four months we free the house from clutter– things that we still keep for the sake that they’re still usable, even though they aren’t really being used.
But over time we slowly transitioned towards keeping things simple. We try to be mindful and see if we’re buying things because they make us feel something or because they have a function. We even narrowed down our fashion choices to Hanes Slim Fit shirts, only V-Neck gray and black.
We realized we’re more resistant to advertising and spend more money on experiences than things.
Things can sometimes cause pain. Pain happens because over time you realize these things won’t serve the purpose you think they can give once you’re able to acquire them: to make you feel better.
Sure mementos are good, memories can be magical… but they are more magical if they live inside you… and you deliberately take the time to dig deep within you to connect to them.