When Not Being “Enough” Turns to Proving Yourself

“I am not enough”
“Not enough for who?”
“Not enough in the eyes of others.”
“Their eyes do not dictate your worth.”
— A mental dialogue

I’m now 31 and I’m living my best life.
It hasn’t always been like this.

A feeding bottle in one hand, the laptop mouse in the other. Work-life balance felt like a myth in the midst of the to-do list I had to tackle “now”. At the time, I was lucky to juggle work with a 2-year-old.

See, I got pregnant at 23 and I cranked out websites late nights, even during my third trimester.

A huge part of my mid-20’s were spent people-pleasing and seeking other people’s approval. It’s just a blow to your self-esteem when you’re an unmarried young mom and you just can’t help feeling like you’ve failed the folks.

The old distant relatives.

It hit me differently than with my then-partner. It appeared that men had a greater sense of pride in bearing children than women. Everyone just cheers for them. For young, working women like me, they just spoil it.

Even if I felt that motherhood was the single best thing that happened to me, the criticism just seeped in and lingered for a while, until I started to believe them.

And when you start to believe what others think of you, you start to do things to prove yourself. To prove you’re right, fine, intelligent, and still in control.

That you f*cking know what you’re doing.

Backed by Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”, this was pretty much how I set the tone for my mid 20’s. A rebel gone bad, now proving you wrong.

Trying to Prove Yourself is Never Worth It

Living up to other people’s expectations is a waste of time. I learned this the hard way. There’s no other person you should strive to exceed than yourself.

I still cringe every time I remember how I fought to prove myself. Announcing every achievement, hiding the dirty laundry I could no longer manage, keeping appearances— trying to look like giving birth never happened (ever heard of Diastasis Recti?).

This went on for a couple of years before I realized that people will always lean to the “conversation-worthy” bit of you. People will never be proud of you like how your parents used to when you were a kid. People who judge you actually don’t care about you, they only care about themselves.

If you want support, you have friends for that.

The real ones who stuck with you through thick and thin. The ones who knew your insecurities and stayed because they believe in your dreams.

It’s you first and foremost, family and then friends. That’s the triad of support. Everyone else are mostly naysayers.

And again, of all people, YOU are your best critic and supporter. Be kind to yourself. Stay authentic. Be brave enough to unapologetically accept your flaws and celebrate your small wins.

Instead of focusing on competing, I focused on creating. Creating the life I wanted, giving more value, delivering life-changing projects, creating the best version of me… for me to love.

As Wallace Wattles puts it, “Don’t mind the plutocrats. Focus on the energy of creation, not competition.”

Other people’s perceptions do not equate "Truth".

Just because people thought and talked about it doesn’t mean it’s true. Based on their limited perception, how they see you has no power over you. Whatever people think of you doesn’t affect your reality, unless you allow it.

Live your best life, help more people, ignore those who doubt.
You’ll be fine.