W.O.L.D.

I arrived at the Port of Manila in December of 2007. I was 17 years old, alone and without any long term plans. Anything beyond tomorrow is uncertain, so I didn’t bother planning.

It was not my first time in the Superferry 12 but it was my first time to go to Manila on this vessel without a return ticket, let alone the plan of turning back. It will be a year later when I return to Cebu for a quick visit and I’ve never been the same again.

Like many others, I was enchanted by the thought that a change of environment will change my life. It was an opportunity for me to cut ties with toxic relationships that no longer served me and habits that were crippling and unrewarding.

My teenage years weren’t very flattering, I haven’t discovered what I wanted to do with my life yet. All I knew is that I was good with computers and was able to pull off some Photoshop tricks… but I wasn’t interested in making a career out of it. At 16 I already started working in a call center as a market researcher, where I first started to insert smoking and drinking in between work and attending my Christian ministry.

When shit eventually hit the fan, I thought that a change of environment was what I needed. Someplace where nobody knows me and I don’t have to play the role they gave me based on their assumptions.

And yes, surprisingly, it worked. A couple of years away from Cebu and I came back a new person, changed my nickname from Jan to Nin, made new friends and got rid of most of the old ones. I started to enjoy my alone time in Manila, discovered new hobbies, studied web design and animation. When I came back to Cebu, I had an entirely different focus in life and although I still struggled to find myself, at least I had a direction.

I’m 30 now and I admit that sometimes I feel that I need a change of environment to feel better. I look back to that moment in my life when I took the risk to leave and sometimes I think that perhaps that’s what I need now.

This escapist mentality, the temptation to leave everything, to start anew… When work becomes toxic, you want to change jobs. When business is dull, you want to start all over. When home becomes a place of argument, you want to pack your bags and leave, to save yourself or to become a better person.

We travel to “soul search”, we search for greener pastures, we look towards the stars for new places to colonize because Earth feels hopeless.

But the grass is never greener, and we pack our suitcases with us filled with emotional baggage, anxieties and fears. We change jobs, get a higher salary, find a new partner, travel… and we’re still the same person.

I’m now 30 and I realize that the real journey is the one that I carry with me wherever I go.

No matter where you go, you can never find peace unless you look within.

As for the title of this post, I got it from one of those poetic songs I’ve encountered during my sound trips. WOLD by Harry Chapin, with this wise line being my favorite:

Sometimes I get this crazy dream
That I just take off in my car
But you can travel on 10, 000 miles
And still stay where you are